Reader's Digest

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maximus
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Reader's Digest

Post by maximus »

You will laugh your heads out after you finish reading this! (Nice One
from Reader's Digest)

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
eating beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from work. Since I lived in the countryside, I called my husband and
told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I
passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I
could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by
the time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner and before I
knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me
and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he
was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise
not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the
call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the
pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out
of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and
let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone
farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a
few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands
back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must
have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing
for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I
had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner
guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" I nearly
died!


=)) =))



Cheers,
Maximus
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maximus
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Re: Reader's Digest

Post by maximus »

here...Ive got one more.. 1

Gujarati Funeral ... Excellent one

A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters.

The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,

I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT.

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese,

10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.

On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.

Just distribute the rest among yourselves.

The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.

The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist.

Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.

The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided
among my nephews.


Please distribute all these fairly.


Love Smita.

PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days =))
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aniketora
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Re: Reader's Digest

Post by aniketora »

:D
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Re: Reader's Digest

Post by neogenx »

:))
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deadraizer
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Re: Reader's Digest

Post by deadraizer »

tht 1st 1 is insane =))
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<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
maximus
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Re: Reader's Digest

Post by maximus »

heh...yea... :P .. !
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Djrullz
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Re: Reader's Digest

Post by Djrullz »

OMG.. =)) =))

I nearly fell down from my chair while reading the 1st One.. =)) =))

And the 2nd one is is also good... :P
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rituel
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Re: Reader's Digest

Post by rituel »

in d 1st one d last line came as a shock to me i was thinking wen she opened d blindfold she wud find baked beans on d table.... but dis was IMBA LOL!!!!
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maximus
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Re: Reader's Digest

Post by maximus »

Got Sm more =P ... !


ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME !!





His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone
to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the
valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the
hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get
some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So,
what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOTmy flight instructor?'






Life is short.......
Someone said:
When you ASSUME=youmake anASS out of U and ME....





Good Laughs...


> The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:
> "I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy.
> But incase you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."
> ================================================

> *Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:*

> Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you.
> It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like
> to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that..
> Bush: What buildings? What people??
> Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
> Bush: It's eight in the morning.
> Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

> ============ ========= ========= ========= ====

> Vajpayee( the Indian Prime Minister) and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"
> The barman says "Yes, that's them." So the guy walks over and says,
> "Hello, what are you guys doing?"
> Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
> The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
> And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and
> one bicycle repairman."
> And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!! !"
> Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry
> about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

> ============ ========= ========= ========= =====

> Pakistani on the moon:
> Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
> A: Problem...
> Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
> A: Problem...
> Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
> A: Problem...
> Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
> A: ...... Problem Solved!!!


> ============ ========= ========= ========= =====

> A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
> He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
> A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:
> "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
> The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"
> Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
> "Brave American saves life of little girl" the policeman answers.
> "But I am not an American!" - says the man. Oh, what are you then?"
> The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"
> The next day the newspapers say: "Extremist kills innocent American dog"

> ===========================================================

> ''In our country,
> Religion is politicized,
> Politics is criminalized &
> Crimes are nationalized''

> ===================================================
Last edited by maximus on Tue Mar 23, 2010 4:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
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