JokesÉ

[mchaudh]

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

[mchaudh]

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, And every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.' ; Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, But you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!

[maximus]

ROfl...hahaha !

[GhostWalker]

nice ones, i have heard the 1st one before but in a different version but the second one is like the gujrati's kid joke with his class teacher about the greatest person that ever lived. This is how it goes:

A young Gujju boy starts attending public school in a small town.

The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student.
She asks the class, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"

A girl raises her hand and says,

"I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country."

The teacher replies, "Well...that's a good answer, but that's not the answer I am looking for."

Another young student raises his hand and says,

"I think Abraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he freed the slaves and helped end the civil war."

"Well, that's another good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for."

Then the Gujju boy raises his hand and says, "I think Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived."

The teacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. "Yes!", she says, that's the answer I was looking for."

She then brings him up to the front of the classroom and gives him a lollipop.

Later, during recess, another desi boy approaches him as he is licking his lollipop.

He says, "Why did you say, 'Jesus Christ'?"

The Gujju boy stops licking his lollipop and replies,

"Look, I know it's Krishna, and YOU know it's Krishna, but business is business."

[maximus]

lmfao...rofl... gujju always thnking of business =P !

[skunka3]

obli cm to chat room plz

[dreze]

guys jokes hindi mein maza aata hai padne ko .. our indian language ROX .. i.e HINDI - CHINDI ... xD ..

[fatal]

hahaha

[maximus]

MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from
employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING ( S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you
feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your supervisor.

You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our
supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T. you can
handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL
EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to
EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.).

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't
have to do S.H.I.T . anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others.
We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS
(B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and
consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T).

This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)

Thank you for your time.



Sincerely,
DIRECTOR UNDER THE MAIN BUREAU OF SUPER
HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(The "D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T.")

[maximus]

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A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, give your expert analysis?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse" and charged them RM60.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house.

Shangri-la Putrajaya charges RM250.00, Mandarin Oriental charges RM280.00, Le Meridian charges RM230.00. We do it here for RM60.00 and I get that back from "Medical Claim".......

[jaxdude88]

imba gw gujjus suck

[jaxdude88]

Once There Was a fat kid named max
he was very lazy and irritating
one day he was down with viral fever and he wanted to be well by having some fun
so he took his sony eriscon mobile and inserted it in his hole..
The mobile stopped working but max's machine starting working again so after some days his girlfriend called him askd him why he didnt contact her for so many days
He Replied i have got a new Girlfriend in my mobile phone. It Satisfies me a lot
So she said him to f off and from then
Max and his Mobile Lived Happily Ever after

Max here=Obli

[maximus]

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business trip.
He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.
So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him.

He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said,
"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on,
but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for
weeks, except -- " and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the
'voodoo dick.'"

"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols.
He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door."
The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle.

Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in
your box!"
The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally
surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy."
He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before.
After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.

Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.
So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to
the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo.
On the
way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my a**!"

[deadraizer]

lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[rituel]

vooodoo dick booblis a** lmfao